after-effects of yesterday's sugar-high

unpretty

2005-01-17T21:54:00.000+08:00

Four scores and hordes of ugliness. First the fat, then the braces.

Yes, I just got braces last Saturday. For the second time. Because my teeth are starting to get crooked again. The things I do for vanity...

money

2005-01-14T15:50:00.000+08:00

Sigh...2 weeks have passed, I'm still loaded with work. To make matters worse, the president of the company's coming here. Definitely not my day. People are already starting to make fun of me...gwumble.

All my savings are also going down on a lot of expenses... for my braces, for my credit card bills, for my promised gift to my sister (hair relaxing and dye job -- she's been wanting to have her hair done for a long time). I haven't even used my money for stocks. I may have to cut down on certain expenses. Like my travelling expenses. I might have to wake up earlier and walk instead to taking a jeep to divisoria, since it's about 3-4 blocks away from my house. And my snacking expenses during my breaks-- that I have to eliminate. It'll probably help me shed some pounds as well.

Anyway, back to work. Again. Boring.

start

2005-01-10T13:00:00.000+08:00

God, I missed blogging. Been too preoccupied with work and too lazy to do anything else during my free time.

I'm listing my goals for the year 2005:
1. Lose weight -- must get rid of the excess 20 pounds. This is a never-ending goal for me, but I am not buying any new clothes until I see results.
2. Work harder -- otherwise my plans of going to Japan are going to be put on hold.
3. Learn jewelry-making -- as soon as I finish my beadwork bag project.

Better think of something to add to the list.

nooooo!!!!

2005-01-10T12:48:00.000+08:00

Darnnit, I changed the time zone under Settings and all the time posted in my previous posts changed...*sniff* There's no way I'm going to change all the time...gwumble...

testing

2004-12-28T16:52:00.000+08:00

testing

parties and more parties

2004-12-07T04:48:00.000+08:00

Sigh...peace at last. everyone's left for lunch, except for a few people here. And I'm eating lunch all by myself.

This week and next week's packed with parties. I have to prepare my outfits, the party games for next week, the presents...sigh. I just want to curl up in Glenn's books, exercise, sleep and be able to go out more with Glenn. Exception to that protest is the party on Saturday with my friends...I haven't seen them for the longest time. Like five long months.

Should schedule a blog-writing session for myself every Saturday or Sunday. Been neglecting this blog too long.

make way

2004-11-17T01:03:00.000+08:00

Thank God I managed to make time for some things... To meet up with old friends (or at least one friend, for the meantime), to go out with my dumpling twice in a week, watch the Incredibles (which, by the way, is the best movie since Shrek2), and wait for another 3-day weekend at the end of November.:D

Sigh...I've been so cooped up with work (and Warcraft 3 during breaks) that I keep forgetting my blog. Even my weekends become busy with dates and appointments and being carried away by non-important things, like watching TV shows that I've watched before, staring into space and reading books that I've already read before. The pile of books I borrowed from Glenn still stays inside my shelves, unread. And they're supposed to be educational books.

What's happening to me? When I used to be little, I loved thick, thick encyclopedias and medical books and National Geographic books. I loved my books so much that sometimes I would complain why there were always not enough nice books. Now, I don't even know if my reading expanded or became limited to novels, comics and newspapers. And I'm already in a time where all kinds of books are available and book shops are open to all. I'm already in a time I could actually afford the books I want.

The problem is, I don't even know what I want.

bad weekend

2004-10-27T04:10:00.000+08:00

This is so sad... after a quiet date with Glenn last Friday, my entire family, especially my sister April got mad at me -- for making a lot of mistakes at work last week. And I wasn't able to fix things on Friday, because Glenn was already waiting for me.

Friday: my sis May told me April called and was angry at me for making a lot of mistakes this week. I got a long sermon of being disoriented, not getting enough sleep and being careless. Ended up crying.

Saturday: my mom and dad found out, they gave me another long sermon in the morning about being careless, despite the fact that they don't really know how my job works or what my mistakes are. Kept telling me that I should fix the mistakes I made. Again, I end up crying (I don't care if my mother says crying is useless-- it makes me feel a lot better)

Sunday: April called up, told me how careless I was at work and all that. I'm not reacting anymore. My dad gives me a last minute lecture to fix my mistakes on Monday. I got pissed, and kept quiet.

Monday morning: my mother gives me a last, last minute lecture to fix my mistakes. Stayed quiet.

Monday night: both my mom and dad asked me if I fixed my mistakes. I said yes, and walked off.

In my mind, I wanted to say, "WHAT THE HELL???". I know last week was a very bad week, and I'm tired, tired and really tired, but they didn't have to rub everything in...

I feel deflated. I don't want to react anymore.

grow up

2004-10-23T04:14:00.000+08:00

I honestly feel like I'm being treated like some sort of kid here at work. I usually don't mind, since I act and dress like one if I could most of the time, but lately it's been bothering me.

When they talk about kids, I can't relate because I don't have any, or even take care of any. When they talk about SCQ and Mulawin and the Amazing Race, I can't relate because I never watch those kind of shows (For once in my entire life, I feel like not watching TV anymore). When they talk about adult matters, the birds and the bees, they would say, "Psst! Psst! Uy, may bata dito." I would simply smile and pretend I didn't really know what they're talking about.

Maybe it's not so nice when you stay at the kids' table too long. When the time you want to move in at the grownups' table comes, they simply shoo you away and make you go back to the kids' table, where they'll forever think you really belong.

Sigh. Whatever. I'm tempted to get one of those Victoria Court cards, scratch the edges so it looks used, and give it to them as a some kind of parting gift right before my wedding day.

definitely not my day

2004-10-19T04:04:00.000+08:00

Not only did I reach the office two minutes late, I got reprimanded by Joel for making a major boo-boo in the program as soon as I sat down my chair. I wanted to snap back, that I don't remember doing anything like that, but he had this aura that says, "It's already obvious, it has your name on it, therefore it's your fault." He was also in a bad mood too -- the mistake was also sent to Japan, and he was responsible for it...Sigh. I want to go back home and crawl inside my bed for a while. And this stupid fix I'm working on is not working.

Curses.

pool of ideas

2004-10-17T06:39:00.000+08:00

I’ve been getting little business ideas I feel I wanted to try.

One is the onigiri (rice ball) idea. Ever since I got the onigiri molds, I’m thinking of wanting to start an onigiri business someday. Filipinos like rice a lot, and it’s particularly handy when you want a quick lunch. Unfortunately, there were also downsides to that idea.

I told my mom I’m going to get a haircut, and she insists on going with me… Sigh.

Anyway, downsides… One is that it can be easily imitated, like Zagu and Easy Way. Second, it might not last. No one wants a business that doesn’t last. And third, at best, it could end up like the empanada or waffle stands.

Another idea I’ve come up with is making pretty hand-painted gift boxes. After watching that Korean movie “The Classic”, I like the idea of making gift boxes, and placing a cute little gift inside, like teddy bear key chains or charm bracelets or something. Not exactly a unique idea, but it’s an idea I’d like to use. Still need to make little adjustments on that.

I’m also thinking of making bead sculptures. I made a bird and a cat already out of Styrofoam balls, glue and leftover beads. My ultimate sculpture I’ve been dreaming of is to make a beaded horse. Not the usual large beads that I use, just the small teeny-tiny beads held by fine wires. But this idea’s going to shelved for the time being.

Aside from business ideas, I’m thinking of writing a story. Probably about a man riding at the back part of an FX, always starting little chats with the passengers around him. Looking for a friend, just simply wanted to talk to someone even if it was a complete stranger, nobody knows why he would always, always strike a conversation with the passengers. Some might join in his conversation; others simply sit back and listen or probably even ignore him. Some think they found a friend to add in the phone books of their cellphones; others might think he was a complete lunatic, planning something criminal up in his sleeve.

Unfortunately, I haven’t found a nice plot for my character. Oh well…
So many ideas. So little time to put those ideas to work.

happened the past few days

2004-10-17T06:26:00.000+08:00

Went to the dentist again to have one of my teeth pulled out again. This time, my teeth and mouth hurt from keeping them open the whole time, and I almost kept getting the gagging reflex as well. Dentist told me the tooth he was pulling was quite thick, therefore hard to pull out. Had to put ice packs and eat antibiotics. And I forgot to get my teeth as a souvenir…Gwumble.

My dad and my dumpling are coming back here today. My dad went to Hongkong with my cousin and Sah-peh (third uncle) to an electronics exhibit, and Glenn went to Singapore. Hope both had a good time.

And tomorrow Sunday, I’ll be taking my family out to lunch at California Pizza Kitchen at Shangri-La Mall. Was planning at Italianni’s at Greenbelt, but my sister April suddenly signed me and her son Austin up at a comic workshop for kids at Shangri-La Mall. So might as well go to the same area instead. I sense an underlying motive that my sis is planning to leave Austin with me for a while, but with the comic workshop sponsored by Mango Comics (the company who published Darna), who am I to complain?

Apologies if I keep writing on and on about what was happening around me and less on my thoughts. I couldn’t find the right time to write everything I wanted to write except on Saturdays.

I just hope pain in my mouth settles down. I’m going to get a haircut later, and this time, without my mom or my sister. Little thing, but a big step for me. Pray my hair doesn’t get butchered like the last time.

My officemates are mean sometimes. Not that they torture me at work, but they keep making fun of me during breaks. I don’t mind they make fun of me because I’m quiet or I could pass for my sister April’s twin or tease me about me and Jason (God, didn’t they read my lips before? I-ALREADY-HAVE-A-BOYFRIEND). But this one’s quite, in my friend Joseph Wong’s words, a low blow – they think the president of the company has a crush on me.

Ack. Takita-san. He’s already old, for crying out loud. Just because he told my boss Eric (what I mean by boss is he’s the head programmer) that I looked like an actress in Japan (which Eric eventually told the entire staff except me) after I was introduced to him. My officemates kept joking that I should be careful when the time comes I get to go to Japan –Takita-san might start courting me. Joel, one of the more “lively” among the bunch, joked I should take “Lolo” out to lunch one of these days when he visits again. Ugh. I kept a straight face the whole time, but inside I was cringing. Thank God Takita-san went back to Japan last Thursday.

Okay. That’s all that happened so far this week. Let’s get on with my thoughts. And don’t ask.

Ooh, I forgot, I found a couple of Korean and Japanese DVDs at Makati Cinema Square. Should make a list and go there one time. I found the one I wanted – “Audition”.

eating

2004-10-13T04:01:00.000+08:00

I'm just munching my lunch of chicken and rice in front of the PC, since the table in the kitchen's occupied.

My mind's been in klutzville lately. I wasn't able to finish my work yesterday (an inquiry screen, due yesterday), I tripped on someone's laptop power cord, almost left my lunch bag and I made the ultimate mistake of checking-in (our office term for returning back the part of the program you used to the main source) my work while it wasn't finished... I've beginning to have morbid thoughts of getting myself drunk and walking in the middle of accident-prone Pasong Tamo. I feel so sad. Or maybe I'm just being a drama queen today.

Worse, when I was introduced to Takita-san, the company president, my boss told him I learned Japanese through watching hentai. My reaction was, "What?" with matching raised eyebrow. I know he was teasing, but that was mean...gwumble.

The Tzu Chi Bazaar last weekend was probably the most organized bazaar I've ever seen. And I've never seen so many vegetarian dishes in one place...Yummy. :) And i managed to find a nice gift for my dumpling. I'm so proud of it. Will tell what it is when he gets it. Can't wait to see his face.

So many things in my mind that I wanted to type right now, but I can't seem to type them all at once.

1:01. Back to work. Again.

anybody got a teether?

2004-10-10T03:36:00.000+08:00

Finally got one of my teeth removed. I was expecting they would remove all my wisdom teeth all at once, but at least I manage to have them remove the most annoying—the one on my upper left (it’s out of place and been hurting my cheekbone). And each week for the next three weeks, they’ll remove one tooth at a time. The dentist told me I was lucky though—normally people would undergo surgery to remove all their wisdom tooth. I didn’t need to. I’ll be putting on braces to straighten out my teeth again as soon as all of them are removed, and stay metal-mouth for the next 4-6 months. Sigh…if my sis May puts all her money on dermatologists, all my savings would mostly likely go to dental expenses. I’m actually barely making enough now, but I don’t want to let my parents pay for this.

And there’s more bad news coming in…my loosest jeans are now TIGHT!!! *sob* And it’s a hand-me-down from my sis April, whose hips are supposed to be more bigger than mine. I might as well starve myself—or read minds (watch Zoolander, then you’ll know what I mean). Diet and exercise, here I come.

I may have to look my best next week. We’ll be having Japanese visitors at work, including the president of the company. The president, Takita-san, they say, is very particular about being professionally groomed. I don’t really mind about fixing my hair, but I pray I don’t need to wear any makeup. I know women in Japan wear make-up at work, but I don’t want to. Anything beyond putting on lipstick, really don’t want to. Period.

The space where my tooth was removed is getting itchy. I should get something to gnaw on. Be right back.

finally

2004-10-07T04:11:00.000+08:00

Thank God I have enough time to blog again. Reading the newspapers and this link have been occupying most of my free time.

Anyway, how was I? Trying to keep up my strength at work. I'm hoping Vitamin C and exercise would keep me going. And I can't keep my eyes off the website I've been reading since last week. Pretty nice, full of asian horror, gore and suspense thrillers. Might want to buy some dvds of it. Hmm...maybe except Mermaid in a Manhole. It's a bit gross even for me.

Eep, 1:11...back to work. Will prolly blog again later.

strawberries and cream frapp

2004-09-26T14:12:00.000+08:00

Just came home from a date with Glenn at Starbucks…aah—pure, simple bliss. We just talked and he taught me how to play Magic cards. I’ve always wanted to know to play them since high school. Unfortunately, my peers wouldn’t let me play and said that it was too complex to explain. And now, here I am with a bona fide expert on Magic cards.

I’ve probably considered these moments relaxing. Ever since I started work, I can’t seem to find the time to relax. As soon as I get home by 7 or 8 at night, eat dinner and curling up in a book or talking on the phone with my dumpling, my mom wants me to get to sleep at 10. And eventually I end up sleeping at 11, waking up at 7 or 7:30 in the morning, all groggy and dazed. It’s becoming a really vicious cycle. And I’m starting to look horrible. AND it’s becoming pretty noticeable —most of my clothes don’t fit anymore, and my arms have gotten bigger (so I can’t wear sleeveless), dark circles under my eyes (like I said before) and my hair is a total mess. Plus the fact that my brain can’t seem to absorb everything I’m supposed to learn at work. I’ve become fat, messy and tired. And I’ll be wearing the strapless fuchsia dress tomorrow at my cousin’s wedding. GAAAHHH!!!!

Okay, maybe I’ll do it in baby steps. Must find a way not to get tired. I mainly need two things: time management and physical/mental maintenance. I’ll probably come up with a good solution by tomorrow. I’m getting sleepy … goodnight.

early

2004-09-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

Lucky, I arrived here at work early. My sis April and I happened to meet my cousin who was on her way to Makati. Enough time to write stuff down today.

Anyway...last night my family I went to a cousin's husband-to-be's house (different cousin, about to get married this Sunday). My cousin, Achie Penny, and her hubby-to-be Eric (I can't help but wonder why all the everyone's men's names are Eric/Erick/Erik/Frederick) showed us their bedroom with a really nice walk-in closet and a bathroom. They renovated the place on purpose, from the furniture, new wallpaper, the wooden doors and closets, and even the tiles, according to them were completely replaced. And then they showed us their pictures they were planning to show during the wedding. Chasing each other on the beach, kissing on a hill, holding hands in a narrow road filled with trees...mushy, mushy stuff. Their photographer did a really great job, considering it was only a one-day shoot somewhere in Batangas.

On the way home, I got a bit annoyed at my family. They were making fun of Glenn-- again. Knowing that some of my relatives have a tendency to, er, "comment" on people, my mother couldn't say anything, and assumingly won't be able to say anything if ever I introduce Glenn to my relatives. And they all kept persuading me to ask Glenn to lose weight, giving me suggestions and stuff. My God, my insides kept saying, "Please, why don't you guys just leave him and me alone? I'm already sick and tired and sick of hearing these things... Just let him do it in his own. And LEAVE US ALONE." Of course, if I try to tell that to them, I'll end up looking like the bad guy, and I'll be hearing them mutter, "Gee, I was only helping, no need to get pissed." I'm so tempted to hit my head on table.

Anyway, back to work. Again. I'll try to breathe slow now.

too, too pooped

2004-09-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

My eyes are starting to have dark circles under them... this is terrible. Definitely from 8 straight hours in front of the PC and less than 8 hours of sleep.

But...At least I managed to finish an SIR that was giving headaches since last week (yay!). The reason why my fixes didn't work was what I typed in the SQL statement... stupid SQLs... now I'm handling OLEs in my next SIR. They all assured me that this was easy, and they need it right away. I'm just spending my last 5...no, 4 minutes before the clock hits 9. Now it's 3 minutes.

Looks like I may need to work harder. They just hired two people, one of them a new grad. I know I started one month ahead of them, but I assume the two newbies are ComSci and ComEng grads. That gives them a better advantage over me. And my sis April warned me--if I don't work a little more harder, not only my chances of going to Japan get slimmer, I might end up getting the scraps while the rest are getting the more challenging, bigger and better work.

Oops, 9:04. Back to work. Will try to be back during lunch break.

shleepy...

2004-09-18T03:59:00.000+08:00

God I feel so tired today... I'm starting to have dark circles under my eyes and I'm getting fat. And I can't exercise either. My ankle still aches.

I feel I'm learning the ropes here at work, bit by bit. But still, I can't code well by myself. Too hard.

Also, I made a mistake. September 14 was our first date anniversary. And if other couples have anniversaries and their monthsaries, we have 5 anniversaries: first time we met, first time he told me he loved me, first time I told him I loved him, first date and first kiss. That's a lot of anniversaries.:p Then add the engagement day, wedding day and the kids' birthdays, if ever. Better write these things down.

continued

2004-09-16T04:11:00.000+08:00

Continuing my story, things turned out ok and my mom and sis found me two dresses: a black one with multi-colored polka-dots and a faerie-like skirt, and a white strapless dress with big fuschia and red flower patterns and black piping. Both looked like something out of the sixties. I' m feeling torn on whether both looked pretty dowdy or pretty cool and retro.

That's all... heheh. :p

Right now, I've been trying to scrimp every available minute break I have so I can blog. I really can't face my PC at home. My eyes already tired from staring at another all day.

And...yesterday was our anniversary. The day I told Glenn that I loved him. I completely forgot when exactly, since I've always thought our anniversary was on February...and what do you know? We've got two anniversaries.:) Shame, the girl's supposed to be the one remembering all the special days in the relationship. Better find something special, and something quick. I'm already in panic mode. Got to think of something nice, special and romantic-- and fast. If anyone's got a suggestion, please post it in the comment link. Thanks!

just when I thought I would be at peace

2004-09-14T04:20:00.000+08:00

Better make this quick...I have thirty minutes of my lunch break to type on my blog.

My family is somewhat mean sometimes...I did promise them that I would treat them out when I get my pay, but that was mean. We went out to Chili's to eat last Saturday (Crispy chicken salad tasted great--must order it again sometime), and when the bill arrived, they were expecting me to pay. And I didn't have any money with me that day. Why didn't they tell me this earlier?

...And at the end they were teasing me. Grumble...and halfway through our conversations, my sis April was telling me to stop using Yahoo messenger and stop emailing during work. Of course my mom and sis May got mad at me. That was already the third time I was told to stop. Sigh...I know, it's my fault and i shouldn't do that...But they didn't have to gang up on me like that. To add insult to injury, they also told me that I was slow at preparing in the morning before work. God, if anyone knew how much I wanted to walk out of that restaurant. As if the small shred of pride left in me disappeared. If Glenn and his text messages hadn't calmed me down, I really would have done it.

And then Sunday-- my dad drilled some holes in my room to replace the light above our dresser mirror. I removed our things on top of our dresser table. And so my dad drilled. When my mom walked in, she was absolutely furious. I forgot to place some newspapers on top of the dresser table so I wouldn't have to clean up everything. She kept grumbling why, of all days, my dad decided to replace the light on our maid's day-off, that the bed covers were replaced with clean ones, that she would have to clean every speck of dust in the room. She wouldn't let me clean everything-- she feels I'm not very reliable, and I would make things worse. And while i was cleaning, she kept yelling at me. I really hate it when she gets mad like that. I'm already considering the option of running away. But then again, that's not an option, is it?

Eventually calmed down when we went shopping at Landmark for my dress for my cousin's wedding. Then a freaky thing happened. When my mom and sis May went to the bathroom, and I waited at the ladies' shoes section while waiting for them, there was this guy walking up to me and asked, "Size eight?". At first I thought he was talking to a saleslady, but figured that he was talking to me. I merely smiled and shrugged and walked off to another rack. And then he followed me to the rack I was standing. So I moved again to another rack. And I realized he was following me. I practically moved fast from rack to rack until I saw my mom and sis. I get the feeling either that guy was a purse-snatcher or a pervert. I asked my mom and sis to walk further until we reached the ladies' dress section.

Anyway, I'll continue this later. Time's up, back to work.

eyes lowering

2004-09-08T04:05:00.000+08:00

Sigh...No work to do, I'm incredibly bored. My sis not coming to work today, so I'm all by myself. And I don't know whom to ask for work. (I need those SIRs now)

I've finally made contact with human beings from Earth ("I come in peace, fellow Earthlings..."). My officemates are okay, they're pretty nice. And funny too. Hope I can get along with them.

Hmm... can't think of a good thing type right now. Maybe later-- need to brush my teeth.

no time

2004-09-07T04:18:00.000+08:00

I'll probably be using the internet and ym less at work from now on... there's a possibility that it may be used against me, if ever I don't become a regular (knock on wood). I don't think I can close ym, buuut I can change my status invisible and bug anyone online...heheh... and maybe I can surf the net a little during breaks.

My sis April just announced last night during dinner at Tong Yang (eat-all-you-can shabu-shabu and grill) that she was going to be on a diet... a latest fad diet called the South Beach diet--where you're not supposed to eat anything with carbohydrates and sugar (including fruits--which I don't see why it's a no-no for this particular diet) for two weeks. She'll be sacrificing a lot of her favorite foods--including pasta and Ice Monster (shaved ice with fruit, syrup and cream on top). Wishing my sis the best...I'm thinking of eating Ice Monster later in front of her later at break...:p

new work, more confusing

2004-09-03T04:59:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it's going to Friday tomorrow... Time sure flies fast. I've been having this feeling that today is Wednesday. Don't have to worry about what business outfit to wear tomorrow.

Thank God my sis May is feeling better. She just had a falling-out with my mother on Monday. Got upset at both my mom and dad (for both reasons I mentioned on what happened on Sunday, and because my mom was particularly unreasonable during the fight). My sis was on the phone, and my mom cleaning up some things, and the next thing I know after my mom asked her to clean one of the drawers, my sis put down the phone and stormed to the bathroom. Apparently my sis snapped at my mom and my mom got mad. It was terrible...in front of my eyes, my sister, stubborn yet strong, at her most vulnerable moment. She kept crying the whole time while my mother poured all her anger out. Abusive. Too proud. Always thinking she was better than her own mother. I was watching them both, helpless to stand and defend my own sister.

When my mom finished talking and went out of the room, my sister was in total anguish. While she was crying, she was telling me some things about my mom, how we couldn't understand her anymore, how unreasonable she was, how she liked to judge others. Honestly, what my sis said was true. Though my mom raised her point, she backed everything for the wrong reasons. As for my dad, she was upset with him during Sunday because one, my sis asked my dad if she could use his credit card to pay what she bought and promised to pay him back. But my dad wouldn't take out his card at first, so my sis had to, though embarassed, persuade him. And second reason was that my dad said my sister spends too much money when he neglected the fact that my sis spends using her own money, and hardly ever buys anything when shopping anymore.

I talked with my dad the reason why my sister was upset with him, and my dad, reasonable and loving as always, immediately went to talk with my sister and apologized. Unfortunately, things weren't the same for my mother. I tried to reason with her, but she's a bit stubborn. But on the bright side, my sis and my mom are still talking to each other.

Anyway, enough. I was supposed to talk about how I got a new assignment. New work, I'm supposed to make a Daily Inventory Update Report, and even if they already gave me the layouts and samples, I still have NO clue on how to make a report. Not actually a report report, but a program that produces a reports. Right now, I'm not doing anything. I can't do anything unless the actual specs for the report are emailed, and I'm just sitting here, twiddling my thumbs and typing this blog. And the deadline for the report is next Thursday. All I can do now is study the horribly long, long, long, loooong codes here. Yawn.

catchups

2004-08-31T09:20:00.000+08:00

Ok, here's what happened so far last week:

Thursday: I got my own and desk and computer-- with a flat LCD screen (YAY!!!) and currently in the process of decoration and adding survival stuff on my drawers, like extra clothes, a toothbrush, and even flipflops.

Friday: I got my first assignment. I'm doing something called SIR--from what I can understand, it's like a list of adjustments and errors to fix inside the system. A bit complicated, but I think I can manage. Just hope the computer cooperates with me.

Saturday: I learned how to play pingpong at Glenn's house. The only time I ever played pingpong was during school, and it only lasted a term. I'd never thought pingpong would be so...so hard. Proper forms, the proper way to hit the ball...gah, it's oh-so-hard... but I feel I've done better compared to before in school. Glenn's brother's a really good teacher. Played a board game called cranium with his friends after dinner. A mix of word puzzles, charades, pictionary, trivia and other whatchamacallit brain teasers-- really fun. Want to play again.

Sunday: Mass, grocery, tasty lunch, foot massage, shopped for new clothes, dinner...I've noticing that my family and I are doing the same things over and over again. Not that I'm complaining about it, but there are some things I wish wasn't there spoiling all the fun and relaxation every Sunday. Like my mother getting high-strung on everything. Or my dad's insensitivity. And the occasional fighting. I really don't want my sister to cry anymore. It's really getting stupid. And out of hand. I really don't like it.

Today: Finishing the rest of work I left on Friday, got my first half-month pay (withholding tax reduced quite a chunk of my pay) , and waiting for the program to load so I could see if my work was correct or not. Planning to go home in a few.

Finally...I started blogging this morning, and ended just now. Whew!

no permanent place

2004-08-27T04:21:00.000+08:00

I've been moved again. The owner of the desk and computer I've been using since my start of work came back from Japan. And I didn't prepare, my files are still inside the PC. Sigh...I just hope my desk-to-be and computer-to-be isn't going to be on top of the air conditioning. I'm freezing right now from the aircon above my temporary workplace. And my hopes of getting a flat LCD monitor are flushed fown the drain. Oh well, at least I get a fast computer anyway.

Ugh, I hate the weather. It's been constantly raining here as if it hasn't rained in weeks. Reminds me of the 40 days and 40 nights in Noah's ark. A lot of places are flooded since yesterday. Chest deep, at its deepest. I heard on the radio that two typhoons came to the Philippines at the same time, the cause of the horrid weather.

Grumble...I can't listen to the mp3s.

no work!

2004-08-26T03:16:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! No work today! Too much rain and flood around the routes I usually go and a lot of traffic jams. I can finally snooze a bit more…I wonder what I should do for the entire afternoon? Probably study again a bit. Hmm…

Eep. I’m supposed to pass something to my boss today, but I’m not at work. Sigh…Can't do anything about it, did the work I was supposed to do. Just hope everything turns out ok.

thinking for spare time

2004-08-25T07:15:00.000+08:00

Yay!!! I found some nice mp3s. Oh, goody, Simple Plan. And Avril Lavigne, Green Day and Michelle Branch… I can survive work after all. Was getting bored with the radio tuner in the media player these days. Keeps cutting off a lot in the middle of a song. No difference with a broken radio.

Still waiting and figuring out what to do. I think I’m done with work, but I still have to keep on studying and studying and studying. It’s been positively annoying at home, I can’t even read a decent book. Everyone at home wants me to read the C# manual. Hell I’m not bringing it home everyday to read after work. My mind has limited capacity to absorb. It needs rest. I need rest. And speaking of reading, The Sandman: Dream Hunters by Neil Gaiman and Yoshitaka Amano is soooo nice…a Japanese story about a monk and a fox. The fox, in love with the monk, learns that someone wanted to kill the monk and asks the King of Dreams for help. Beautiful art, like you’re stepping into a storybook, absorbed into the land of dreams.

I wish my dreams were like that. Exploring weird, fascinating lands, being able to talk with creatures, odd-shaped plants, rocks and stars, the scenery forever changing colors…and all I get is nothing, only something like a fuzzy black-and-white television. On rare occasions, I get dreams that eventually come true weeks after dreaming it. Maybe it’s superstition, unless I tell someone about it, it comes true.

The Sandman series are the best graphic novels I’ve read so far, apart from the Superman and Batman comics. Definitely.

little pangs of regret

2004-08-25T00:43:00.000+08:00

My God...I should set aside some time to decorate my blog. Not that I don't like the design I'm using now, but I want it to be more...me. But I may have to sharpen my skills in Adobe Photoshop and refresh my memory in using HTML.

Sometimes I do have some regrets in starting my job early. I haven't gone to the dentist to get my teeth fixed, I haven't done any decent drawings, I haven't finished reading Glenn's books, and I haven't planned any trips abroad. I haven't even found a way to organize my closet. Everytime I clean it up, it gets all messy again, thanks to my supposedly-organized-but-I-don't-know-what-to-wear sister May. Her pile of clothes is getting into my pile of clothes. And as for my pile of clothes, if I wasn't so not filthy rich right now, I would've given away all my clothes and replaced it with an entirely different wardrobe. I know it has always been my nature to be content with what I have. But most of my clothes are either hand-me-downs or clothes chosen by my mom or my sister. Never, as in never in my life have I ever bought clothes I chose and with my own money. I'm usually dependent on my sister and mother, and with that, their decisions on what clothes are suitable for me. Not that I complain about their tastes...ok, I do complain about the clothes they buy me--sometimes. A lot of the clothes I don't like that they bought end up hidden somewhere inside my closet. But both of them say that my taste in clothes are horrible. Maybe that's why I didn't like shopping in the first place-- I like shopping before, but I got discouraged early. The only upside on this situation is my dad's happy that I don't spend much.

Oops, back to work. talking too much again. will continue this later.

start of the second week, part 2

2004-08-24T11:09:00.000+08:00

Ok, I’m doing an sql statement and a layout. Lucky. But I still have more to do tomorrow. Hope it’s not too hard. Especially now that the boss is going to Japan tomorrow.

start of my second week, part 1

2004-08-24T00:37:00.000+08:00

As soon as I arrived here in the office, I rushed into the bathroom to remove my black socks (was wearing black socks with sandals, I just feel it doesn't look nice). While I was removing my socks, I noticed that there was a beetle crawling in my bag. It was round as my ladybug ring, but bigger. Black as onyx flecked with irisdescent green. I've never seen such a cute little bug before. Must've landed on my bag when I was rushing on my way to work. But foolishly by reflex, I had to blow the bug away. Oh well, better that way than letting it experience death by squishing.

Right now, I just got informed that my boss is going to actually give me work today. My jaw just dropped when I found out about it. I'M NOT READY!!! Sigh...as if I can do anything about it. I can do this, this is a very nice job, don't let this good opportunity fly away...Ignore me, I'm just try to give myself a pep talk.

Adding another entry

2004-08-21T07:18:00.000+08:00

And also to add, I found the radio tuner inside media player. With my earphones attached to the speakers, it gives me my own little private world. Been feeling uneasy and unable to study C# and the Ammic tools since I started working here. Too quiet for me. Strange, feels like you can do almost anything you want here. Prolly as long as you finish work, I guess. Hope I can finish studying...I'm itching to go start work.

food! food!

2004-08-21T06:42:00.000+08:00

My God...if my ankle doesn't start healing itself soon, everything will go down to my thighs (and butt and belly). My one-woman food committee sister still had Php2,000 left over from the welcome/despedida party, and arranged a merienda buffet. Baked mac, buko salad, leche flan, barbeque... I knew I shouldn't have eaten a lot during lunch. God, I'm full.

Must find way to not get fat during work. Otherwise, like one of my officemates here Joel said-- when he sees my sister, he sees me in the future-- after having a baby.

I hate it when my own mother is right

2004-08-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

She just can't understand the difference between taking advice and obedience.

Just a while ago, she asked me how I carry my own backpack. I usually carry my backpack on one strap, and placing the bag in front of me. So she tells me to use both straps so my bag stays in front. I only use both straps when I carry a lot of things. But I tell her ok. So I got out carrying my bag the usual way. I was already out of the door and waiting for the elevator when she insisted I do what she said. But I didn't say anything, and still carried my bag the usual way. And then when the elevator came, she fumed, "Fine, don't listen to me." She thinks that I know better than her. Of course I'll carry the bag with both straps like she said -- but as soon as I'm outside the building. As if someone's going to pounce on me and steal my things when I'm in the building . I know what I'm doing. I dreamed once that someone was going to steal my cellphone, and I'm making sure it doesn't happen. My Nokia 6210 is already more than 4 years old, and it already has sentimental value. And I have my ways.

And yesterday my mother insisted me on wearing a long-sleeved top, but my sister May already helped me prepare something else -- a short sleeved polo shirt. The entire office is freezing cold, but I always keep a jacket handy. So I wore what I planned to wear anyway. By the time I'm at the office, I was already feeling cold, and the jacket wasn't enough to keep me warm. I could already feel my mother laugh and say, "See? I told you, and you weren't listening."

I know my mother has her best intentions, but let me make my own mistakes. God, I'm 21 and I should be allowed to make my own choices. And I should be allowed to go out.

But then again, they'll all tell me I'm not responsible enough. And this vicious cycle goes on and on and on.

update on my work

2004-08-19T08:25:00.000+08:00

The good news is, C#, the programming language I'm practicing on right now and will be using probably the rest of my work life, looks like Visual Basic.

The bad news is that Visual C# doesn't look like Visual Basic. Grrr...And I still have a week to go in my two-week self-training. Have to be good, have to master this...

a welcome party for me?

2004-08-19T04:07:00.000+08:00

Wow....gawrsh, that was really nice of them.

Really never expected this. Thought they were talking about the "tradition" at work-- Me treating them as soon as I get my first pay. Not that I'm mean or anything, just a misinterpretation.

Turns out they were planning to give me a welcome party. My sis April was in charge of the one-woman food committee, and...that's it. Food really tasty, and they were hecklering me for a speech, but sigh...too speechless to say anything (like the surprise party Glenn gave me last time).

Right now, I feel like doing cartwheels in my head.:)

mommies and batteries

2004-08-18T03:52:00.000+08:00

My sister April has quite a loaded schedule. She wakes up at 5, meets me up at 8 for work, works from 8:30 to 6, (consider the travel time- she reaches home at around 8) then goes home to tutor her son Austin, who has the same busy sched as her (school, tutor after school-- hardly any free time for rest and play). I'm pretty amazed on how and where she gets all that energy. Same goes for my mother. Even when I get sick and at the same time she's completely tired, she still has time to take care of me. Maybe it's just those extra features that suddenly becomes part of you when you become a mommy. You turn into those "Energizer batteries" and juggle your family, home and career. You have to clean the house (or at least delegate all the duties to Inday), send Junior to school, go to work, cook dinner for hubbie, prepare for tomorrow's agenda...everything seems endless. And once a mommy, everthing keeps going and going and going. I'm still pretty amazed... heheh...

Crap, I forgot to bring a toothbrush with me to work. All I have with me is the toothpaste. Was counting on bringing my toothbrush. Remind myself to bring a separate toothbrush.

information overload

2004-08-15T03:48:00.000+08:00

Started my first job on Wednesday. Pretty nervous at first because I have no idea what my work is about, and I have to understand Visual C#. God, my eyes are already buried inside that stupid manual since I started, and still I have no clue on how to actually use C#.

Working environment there is great. Cool aircon, good lighting, clean toilets, and they even have a kitchen...all the comforts of home. Spacious desks and fast computers complete with internet. Complete heaven. My only complaint about my work is that I have no one to talk to. People are nice, but I'm too shy to talk with them. Plus almost everyone there is about my sister's age-- late twenties, married, with kids. And most of them are guys. (and if anyone's asking, they're not cute)

My brain's cracking from all the stuff they try to keep telling me. The company does programs for the manufacturing production systems for major Japanese companies. They used to use something called Powerbuilder, but to keep up with the trends, They use C#. From what I've been studying, it has the same easy use of Visual Basic but has the language complexity of Visual C. I'm half-wondering if I took the right career path. Good job, high pay, great environment...there's also high expections that comes along with all of that. But with the possibility that I could go to Japan, and another possibility that I could learn Japanese, I intend to keep this job.

My aim for now till February? Master C#, adjust, and make sure I don't get fired during my probie period. And to add, make sure I don't embarass my sister. Had this dream once that I did something bad that I completely embarassed her, and I've never gotten over that since.

ok, let the games begin.

'do disasters

2004-08-11T02:36:00.000+08:00

Every time my hair gets long, my mom wants me to get a haircut (I only had long hair twice my entire life). In almost every salon, on my mother’s preference, my hair would always end up in very short-cropped layers. Some of my friends told me I look like a mommy. My dumpling saw a picture of me once in my room (me in my regular short hair) and said I look like a guy. While all the pretty girls enjoy flipping their luxurious, long hair, I’ll be spending the rest of my youth having short, short hair.

Anyway, here’s the story: I went to Ystilo last Saturday to get a trim. There was only one hairdresser present, and I couldn’t remember who my last hairdresser was, because without my eyeglasses, everything gets all blurry. The receptionist gave me two options: either to wait for the other two hairdressers, or stick with the hairdresser that was there. My mother needed to go the office, which was nearby. She asked me to call her up at the office when it’s my turn to get my haircut, and later decide which hairdresser. After my mom left and my hair was already shampooed and toweled dry, the receptionist asked me if I decided whom to cut my hair. I told her I would prefer to wait for my mom. And the receptionist hollered to the entire salon, “Aantayin daw niya mommy niya!!!”

Ok…why did she have to tell everyone that?

Things became worse. I called my mom, and she arrived after five minutes. And the receptionist shouted, “Andito na mommy niya!!!” I cringed. God, I feel like a five-year old. When the hairdresser asked to my mom what kind of haircut I should have, I spoke. Have the sides trimmed, the back of my hair in layers. I don’t know if he heard me right, but along my mother’s endless comments about my hair that I don’t use a comb and how my back of my head is flat, my hair ended up incredibly short. GAAAAHHH!!! I SAID TRIM, NOT BUTCHER!!! Of course, I said nothing. I’ve always had wash and wear hairdos, but now I have to rely on using styling wax and gel and a pretty little clip. Otherwise, I’ll look like a guy. Great. Now I have to put chemicals in my hair.

This is probably the last time I go to the salon with my mother.

annoying day this is

2004-08-08T16:06:00.000+08:00

I might have to cut what's left of my 2-week vacation short. My parents have been trying to tell me to read the stupid C# (Visual C sharp, a programming language) manual my sister April gave me, so I can be ready when I start the job. And they want me to start my job right away, even before August 16. If it's not about the manual, it's about my ankle. It's so annoying. I know their intentions mean well, but IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS. I just finished mass-producing my cousin's pamphlets, and as soon as they walked in, they've been asking me if I started reading the C# manual. Then about my ankle, they keep giving me the same lecture. You should be more careful, you should watch your step, be more responsible...God, I don't want to tell them I already know, for the nth time.

Though my sis May has the point after she listened to everything I wrote right now. I should be serious about this job. I am. Just let me finish what I have to finish.

forget the after-effects -- I officially have a job!!!

2004-08-04T04:55:00.000+08:00

I still can’t believe I got the job. I really can’t believe it. My first job. And as a programmer to boot.

I went to Ammic Corporation, my sister’s company, to go through some formalities today. Since my sister passes by the house, and my ankle still sprained, and the fact that my dad would definitely not let me commute, my dad decided to drive both me and my sister to work. I felt nervous and excited inside the same time, trying to cover it up with a nonchalant expression. By the time I got into my sister’s office, I waited for a few minutes on the couch, like a kid in a bus waiting for the next stop. Then a lady went up to me and asked, “Applicant?” I thought maybe that was still my current status. So I said yes. And she went and called the receptionist/ general administration lady (I still don’t know what she does. She’s a bit of an all-arounder—she’s the frontdesk, she also acted as the HR, did the interviewing, really no idea). And then Miss Emmie—that was the nice receptionist/ general administration lady’s name—led me into the small conference room where I did my exams and went under interview before. I waited again for a few minutes, until my sister’s boss arrived (yes, the same guy who was skeptical about my thesis and got their Japanese consultant to talk to me during my interview). He asked me about my ankle (I guess my sis mentioned about my little accident), and then went on with the formalities. Told me about my salary, and mentioned that I would be on probationary basis. He also asked when I would be able to start. Then he decided to let me start after next next Monday. That gives me two weeks of rest, and enough time to finish reading my books I borrowed from my dumpling, watch the movies I have to watch and all that. And I definitely have to get my ankle all rested up. Still all bruised like an eggplant.

Then he stepped out and Miss Emmie went in. She started explaining to me the standard benefits that came along with the salary if become a regular (sick leaves, SSS, Pag-ibig, hospitalizations, even a wedding gift package—cool), and what their company was all about (flat organization, but the company’s quite competitive). She also told me that it was already in the manual she was supposed to give me, but there was some technical probs, so my sister offered to send me her copy instead. Prolly a manual of rules and regulations. All I have to do now is get 2 or 3 1 x1 pics, my SSS number, and make most of my 2 weeks of final vacation.

Sigh…so starts of a new phase in my average Jane life: working at my first job.

after-effect: day three-- losing it

2004-07-31T19:27:00.000+08:00

Sigh… just when I already found a job, the companies I applied before called me up. Security Bank called me for an interview this afternoon (when I thought I totally failed their test from their IT department) and so did Metro Gaisano.

I get the feeling I am losing my touch in drawing. Every time I start drawing something that involves body proportions, I immediately erase the whole thing. I feel…unsatisfied with what I draw. Even the simplest of doodlings make me feel unsatisfied. As if I lost a magic inside me. Frustrations keep building up instead, no matter how much magic I summon.

But on the other hand, I’m already getting into arts and crafts (thanks to that Art Attack show). All the junk I use has been recycled into gift boxes, ornaments for the gifts, or little knickknacks. Feathers, yarn, beads, used cloth, stones…whatever. My sister’s usually into the creative wrapping thingies, but with her busy schedule right now, I do the experimenting. Plus I’ve been into Adobe Photoshop, making different pictures, and experimenting with the tools (“ooh—what does this do?”). Fun, with high creative tendencies and very low effort. My kind of thing right now.

Maybe I did lose my touch in drawing, but maybe there are other means of making beautiful things. So many other means that I could do. And so little time too. That includes the perfect ornament for my heart-shaped tin gift box and setting up a schedule for my cousin's pamphlet covers for her wedding.

after effect: day two--I GOT A JOB!!!

2004-07-31T07:14:00.000+08:00

YES!!! I got a job!!! If my ankle wasn't sprained, I would've danced the polka. But still...YES!!! I am soooo happy!!!

There was an opening for a programmer at my sister's company at King's Court, Makati. Never thought they would hire me. Her boss was a bit skeptical about me when I told him I did my programs for my thesis--which I really did--and tried to get their Japanese consultant to talk to me in Japanese when I told them i can speak a bit of Nippongo and I was still learning. God, t'was terrible... and embarassing at that. I was already trying to keep a straight face while my insides were already screaming "Tasukete!!!" (Help!!!) while that Japanese guy tried to talk to me.

I miss Glenn...Right now he's prolly at Zamboanga doing his work. Promised me he would pass by my house on Saturday. Wish he was here. I miss my dumpling.

Gah...I sound like a very, very desperate, lost girl without her man. Snap out of it!

Anyways, Wonder what'll happen on Tuesday. My sis told me there's going to be some formality. Hope I don't act like a dolt this time.

after-effect:day one

2004-07-29T14:49:00.000+08:00

Finally...my own blog. After some persuasion from my friends and limitation of movement because of my swollen, sprained ankle, I finally started one.

Today is positively a nice break from my almost busy schedule of interviews and exams. Ankle still hurts, but this time it's tolerable. This is the second time I've sprained my ankle this year (not that I'm accident-prone--really, I'm not) while applying for a job at a bank . Well, technically it happened outside Ibank building in Makati yesterday-- the last time I experienced this unfortunate accident was inside Equitable Bank (also in Makati), and I also lost my footing the same way somehow. Slow motion flying...and the next thing I know, I was already at my hands and knees. Perfect Kodak moment. Right now, my ankle's entirely covered with icky reddish-eggplant purple bruises, and I have to face my mom's sermons ("I always knew this would happen, you're so clumsy, etc...."). She was completely ballistic when she found out. Sigh. Maybe this is God's way of saying I shouldn't work at a bank.

Hmm... getting late. Need beauty sleep. Shleeeep...